Would you consider yourself as someone who likes "control?" I know when my life feels out of control, I definitely try to control things around me. It doesn't make me feel better, though.
I've recently learned about a new way to view things... The 5 WHY Approach....
Have you heard of the 5 Whys method by Toyota? It was developed to problem-solve. When we see a behavior, we often try to solve that problem with rewards and punishments, but it may only stop the behavior temporarily, if at all.
It’s a simple yet powerful way to get to the root cause of a problem—and it can be just as effective when examining our own reactions to autistic behaviors.
Let’s try it out:
Why does this behavior bother me?
→ "Because my child keeps repeating the same phrase over and over."
Why does that bother me?
→ "Because it feels disruptive and I don’t know how to respond."
Why does not knowing how to respond bother me?
→ "Because I feel like I should be able to guide their communication better."
Why do I feel like I should guide their communication differently?
→ "Because I’ve been taught that communication should be reciprocal and purposeful."
Why is that the standard I hold?
→ "Because I’ve absorbed the idea that ‘typical’ communication is the goal, rather than understanding my child’s unique way of connecting."
By the time we reach the fifth "why," we often uncover an expectation, bias, or belief that we hadn’t realized was shaping our reaction.
Try this for yourself!
What’s a behavior that frustrates you? Ask "Why?" five times and see where it leads. You might discover that what needs to change isn’t your child—it’s the way we’ve been taught to see them.
Comment below and share what you discovered!
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